me time

10 Things I Wish My Babysitter Knew

Posted on May 8, 2015 Written by Tonya

Since September I have had a sitter two days a week, 4-5 hours each day to watch Lola.

Her sole responsibility during those 8 to 10 hours is to watch Lola, keep her safe, feed her a bottle and lunch when she wakes from her nap and do some very light housekeeping.

Typically Lola sleeps for two hours on each of those days.

One of those days I ask the sitter to do both children’s laundry. Two loads. Wash, dry, fold and put away.

It’s kind of a kick job if you ask me.

We pay well, provide meals and the hours are somewhat flexible.

I have had three different young women in this position. The first one was too old and too ill to keep up with an energetic toddler, my last one was the best, but she took on a full time job. Our current one… ugh!!

Here is a list I wish I could give her:

Dear Jane (not her real name, by the way),

If you haven’t already guessed by now, I’m completely anal about our house and the care of our children. Having said that, despite numerous conversations you and I have had, here are a few things that I wish you ~~could get through your thick skull~~ knew:

1. If I call you, pick up your phone. The same goes for texts.

2. If there is an incident while I am out, especially if blood is involved, contact me immediately. No exceptions. I really don’t want to find another bloody T-shirt balled up in the bottom of the laundry hamper.

3. Poopy diapers must be walked outside to the physical garbage can.

4. If Lola is napping I don’t mind if you take a ~~break~~ nap, however, please pick up any messes that you and/or Lola have made first. I believe that my house should look exactly the way I left it upon my return. I don’t want to do your dishes.

5. I do not provide doggie bags or to-go cups.

6. If you are going to be later than 10 minutes, you need to let me know.

7. Never, ever put a bottle in the crib with Lola. Ever!

8. A little exercise and sunshine are good for everyone. Please go outside!! Or if you are going to stay in, try one of the age-appropriate activities from the play time activity book I have left out, dogeared and made notes all over that I leave out for you every day you are here. Just saying.

9. Don’t feed Lola anything we haven’t already talked about. I’m still pissed about the apple juice.

10. I really don’t know what’s wrong with the outfits I lay out for Lola and why you refuse to put them on her. Seriously, what’s up with that?

Lastly, I realize I sound like a complete ~~bitch~~ control freak, but you should know I truly appreciate your time and all your efforts. Thank you.

I know how much you love Lola, I do trust you with her and I love the photos you send me.

I know when I walk out the door, my daughter is in good hands.

Sort of.

With kind regards and a hopeful heart,
Tonya

Bassinets, Cribs & Sleigh Beds

On Disappearing & A Review Of “The Age Of Adaline”

Posted on April 29, 2015 Written by Tonya

Nowadays with Netflix and Amazon instant video, movies going to DVD within months of their release on the big screen, RedBox rentals, On Demand, AppleTV and the 500 channels cable companies provide, there really is no reason to see a movie in the theater anymore.

But, in the theater is my favorite way to enjoy a movie.

Growing up, going to see a movie was a family pastime and with two small children, something I seldom do anymore. My husband hates going to the theater and it’s rare, but I can drag him to see something or if there is something I am dying to see, I’ll go alone.

And so today, I blew off cardio barre and a ton of errands and disappeared into the dark for just under two hours.

I took myself to see The Age of Adaline.

I loved every moment.

Both the disappearing and the film.

I knew I would.

One of my favorite books ever is The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and I liked the movie too. Time travel is fascinating as is defying age and beating mortality.

Like with The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Age of Adaline asks the viewer to suspend all belief in things that cannot be explained scientifically and let the movie take you to an extraordinary place.

You have to believe that miracles can happen.

Adaline, played by the stunning Blake Lively does a remarkable job. Her voice and her mannerisms are flawless much like her appearance as Adaline Bowman.

After having been in a car accident, a series of unlikely events occur at the same time and Adaline ceases to age, forever remaining 25.

Adaline’s story is fluid and original and also very sad. Adaline is close to very few people and picks up her life every decade or so to move to a new town and assume a new identity. She lives this way for 60 years and then an encounter with someone she used to know forces her to come clean and let go.

The movie was also visually beautiful with San Francisco as the background and the gorgeous and elegant costumes made for perfect eye candy.

I know how difficult it is to get away, but if you need a wonderful escape, I highly recommend this lovely and thought provoking film. If you do happen to see, please let me know your thoughts.

For photo credit, click on image.

From IMDb: After miraculously remaining 29 years old for almost eight decades, Adaline Bowman has lived a solitary existence, never allowing herself to get close to anyone who might reveal her secret. But a chance encounter with charismatic philanthropist Ellis Jones reignites her passion for life and romance. When a weekend with his parents threatens to uncover the truth, Adaline makes a decision that will change her life forever.

Exercising My Mind & Body

Posted on March 10, 2015 Written by Tonya

I love to exercise.

No, really.

I am not a fitness guru nor do I wear a size 2, but I’m strong and determined and love to move.

I entered a gym for the first time as a Freshman in college on the University of Arizona campus and have been intrigued by how the body and muscles works and how certain foods and my diet make me feel.

I love the physiology of exercise and how moving our bodies increase endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. Just a few of the cocktail of chemicals and hormones that are released in the body beautifully and naturally every time you exercise. There have been many times in my life when I have come to rely on exercise, instead of say, antidepressants or copious amounts of liquor. There is a strong link between exercise and happiness.

These days I spend more time walking or running along the beautiful Southern California coast, throughout my neighborhood or at a nearby nature center than I do in a gym. I almost always have a sleeping sidekick in a stroller. I’m careful to plan my walks around Lola’s nap time and “we” log anywhere between 12-15 miles per week. I will chat with Lola, call a friend, listen to This American Life or music or sometimes let the sound of my own breath center me. I let my mind wander and find an inner peace.

If I don’t get an hour or more of exercise time every day, I go nuts. Or I make the people around me nuts. It doesn’t always happen and I try not to beat myself up about it if it doesn’t.

One of the very best gifts I have ever received was a treadmill and I’ve been known to hop on it well after dark.

I exercise so that I can eat.

Like, really eat.

I exercise to think.

I exercise to challenge myself and push my limits. If I’m not walking, I’m struggling at the ballet barre, a class I am bound and determined to conquer or doing yoga.

I love knowing I’m just half an hour away from a better mood.

Exercise is empowering It’s my “me time”, although I am seldom alone having pushed both Lucas and Lola for miles and miles or being pulled my Charlie Pasta, it is my time to pause and force everything else going on in my life aside and do something just for me.

Do you like to move? What is your exercise of choice?

The Great Debate [In My Head]

Posted on September 16, 2014 Written by Tonya

I hear Lola stir in her crib upstairs just as I’m half way through an article on the Today Parents Website. She’s cooing and talking joyfully at first and then her pleads became more urgent.

I know as I climb the stairs to her room I’ll never finish the article. I’ll never get back to any of the tabs open on my laptop. At least not today. I’m excited to see my baby as she has been napping for over an hour and we can now take our daily walk and play and look at books together but I’m also dismayed that the quiet me time I had been enjoying for the last 90 minutes is now over. I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I had hoped. Damn it! Why didn’t I spend more time writing?!

One of the things I have tried to instill in Lucas is this mantra:

Chores before play, put away one game before setting up another, errands before park, etc.

I first heard it two years before I became a mother in the 2007 movie, The Great Debaters with Denzel Washington. I liked it then and love it now that I have children. I’ve also tried to follow it myself and it seems to work (most of the time) with my son.

My days are long and start the second my feet hit the floor. Full of tasks I have to do…

Make beds.

Make breakfasts, lunch, snacks, bottles.

Care for the dog.

Lay out clothes.

Change the baby.

Pick up stray socks, dirty bibs, Lego.

Assist Lucas as he packs his backpack.

Load the car.

It’s no different in your house.

Mornings are particularly and notoriously busy for households with children, trying to get everyone what they need to start the day.

A mom’s “have to do’s” last All. Day. Long. As soon as one need is met, it is followed up with another and another and another. And even our free time is not our own because when the kids are in school or napping is when the real work happens. I mean, who can sweep the floor with an adorable seven-month-old scooting around or an anxious Kindergartener ready to play another round of UNO? I certainly can’t.

So, alas… the things I want to do fall by the wayside. I make sure to exercise five days a week because if I don’t, I start to get twitchy. But apart from that, all I want to do lately is write. Writing is tricky, I can’t just sit down at my desk and write, I have to first peruse the Internet, respond to an e-mail, pay a bill, place a Diapers.com order, take a Buzz Feed quiz, get lost in the vortex that is Facebook.

I must tell myself every morning: After the kids are in bed and dinner is cleaned up and put away, I’ll stay up late and write.

And every night I crash within minutes of my children or I fall into bed too exhausted to do anything but exchange a few words with my husband and watch another episode of Chopped while I play Words With Friends.

Sigh! It’s the great debate in my head these days… when to write. Not what to write, just when?!?!

I was on a roll the other day and considered giving Lola a piece of paper to keep her occupied for a few minutes. And then I thought better and got down on the floor with her and worked on spit bubbles and mouth noises. It was time better spent, but my head is on overdrive and I must find some hours in the day to devote to writing.

Do you struggle with this too? When do you find the time to do the things you’re passionate about?

I Heart Jimmy

Posted on April 30, 2014 Written by Tonya

As a busy and sleep deprived mom of two, I don’t have nearly as much time as I used to to read magazines or even my Twitter feed to find out what’s going on in the world. I have also stopped watching many of my favorite shows, but there is one that I DVR religiously… The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. I have laughed my way through every single episode since he took over on February 17, 2014 and I look forward to it each day. Of course, I’m day behind, but at least I feel hipper watching it.

I grew up begging to stay up late to watch Johnny Carson host the now 60 year old Tonight Show but not because I really cared about the show or guests, but because my parents did. I never tuned in to Jay Leno because I didn’t connect with him. I respect the Tonight Show institution and when I heard Fallon was taking over, I knew he’d breathe new life into it and do a stellar job in the process.

If you’re not watching, you should be!

10 things I love about The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon:

1. Fallon was amazing on SNL and has proven to have impeccable comedic timing.

2. His monologue keeps me on top of entertainment and world news. He also “gets” social media and uses pop culture references that I appreciate and identify with. This must be why my parents enjoyed Carson. A host you can relate to equals good entertainment.

3. He’s goofy, funny, cute, and so talented. I wish he were my neighbor!

4. I adore his childlike enthusiasm for his awesome guests. He genuinely gets visibly starstruck and it’s super adorable.

5. He doesn’t just conduct boring interviews, he makes his guests do wacky things like roller golf, participate in lip-synching contests, and play flip cup and beer pong.

6. His bromance with Justin Timberlake. Together they are truly unstoppable and hilarious. Case and point: History of Rap 5.

7. His impressions. Have you seen his Tom Petty or Vladimir Putin?

8. The endearing way he talks about his daughter and fatherhood.

9. His banter with his sidekick, Higgins. When the two of them go at it, it can be pee in your pants funny. They have an incredible connection and none of their playful back and forth is scripted.

10. This video (okay, so it’s from his old show, but still)…. Dave Matthews GPS spoof.

This post was written for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, Prompt 5) List 10 things you love about your favorite show.

How I Beat The Post-Holiday Blues

Posted on December 28, 2013 Written by Tonya

Our first Christmas in our new house was a memorable one and the 75+ degree temperatures have been weird and wonderful. I loved having my in-laws, sister and her boyfriend staying with us and still can’t believe all of my recipes turned out exactly the way they were suppose to. I think spent more time in the kitchen over the last week than I have all year (more on this in another post)! And nothing can compare to a child’s excitement over Santa’s arrival. Lucas was a ball of energy all week!

But now it’s over.

Just like that.

For me the worst part of Christmas is the aftermath: the tree has been taken down, most of the gifts have either been exchanged, returned for the correct size or put away, the last of the pie has been eaten, family and friends have gone home, the mailbox is no longer bursting with greetings and thank you cards have been started.

It’s sad.

So much excitement and anticipation goes into prepping for the holidays and then all at once, it’s over and the warm fuzzy feelings disappear.

Here are some ways I like to combat the post-holiday blues:

Create a scrapbook or fun collage to commemorate holiday memories.

Begin (or in my case, resume) an exercise program. I went for a walk this morning and it was mind clearing and felt great.

Daydream about summer and our next family vacation. We’re thinking Mexico and yes, with a new baby!

Do something productive… as if I haven’t been productive the last few months, making a baby and moving, etc., but I spent some time getting Lucas signed up for swim lessons, soccer and researched karate classes. I also packed a bag for the hospital and renewed my domain name. All of these tasks have been on my To Do list for weeks and I’m glad to have them behind me.

Treat myself. Like me, chances are you have been cooking and baking for family and friends and buying for others, so now is the time to schedule a massage or hair appointment, or some quiet time alone to curl up with a good book (or my brand new Kindle Paperwhite!!).

I know I’m not the only one that feels this way, so I reached out to a friend and we had a great phone call recapping the last few days and planning for the upcoming weeks.

How do you avoid the post holiday blues?

Whatever you do to get through this time, know that these feelings will soon pass and more good times are in store!

Mommy Time Well Spent

Posted on October 9, 2013 Written by Tonya

Lucas goes to preschool 18 hours a week.

Six hours, three days a week.

Those 18 hours are precious as hell to me but also busy as hell.

If I’m not sitting in a doctor’s office or being seen by a doctor, which eats up a lot more of those 18 hours than I care to report, I am running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.

I typically have a ‘To Do’ list a mile long consisting of phone calls to make or return, groceries to purchase and dry cleaning to drop off and pick up.

I use those three days to walk the dog, tackle mounds of laundry, attempt meal planning and/or cooking, keep our home in order and if there is any me time left over, I catch up on my shows, blog, get my nails done, shower and wash my hair or enjoy the company of a friend over lunch, but every once in a while, I forgo the busy morning and appointment driven days and take myself to breakfast.

This is what that looks like:

Just me, a pot of green tea and a book. It’s a rare but lovely treat.

Where do you find your bliss?

Linking up with Sarah of The Sunday Spill and Greta of Gfunkified for their #iPPP weekly meme. Photo was taken with my iPhone 4s.

A Day In The Life

Posted on September 30, 2012 Written by Tonya

A couple of weeks ago, one of Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop prompts was: Share a day in your life represented only in pictures and the time the pictures were taken.

I loved Katie’s (of Sluiter Nation) so much that I wanted to try one of my own.

This was a fun exercise.

Thursday, September 27:

7:37 AM

8:34 AM Off to preschool!

9:02 AM

9:13 AM

11:02 AM Meeting a friend for a walk and hoping my toenails are dry.

12:37 PM Lunch time.

2:46 PM

3:02 PM Pick up!

4:10 PM

5:22 PM

5:43 PM

7:06 PM Back to School night.

9:22 PM

10:08 PM

10:27 PM Grey’s Anatomy premiere.

11:48 PM My husband always goes to sleep before I do.

Uno Mas Cerveza, Por Favor

Posted on September 4, 2012 Written by Tonya

While everyone is giving three cheers for surviving their child’s first day of school today, I’m cracking open a cold one, sighing heavily and praising God that I survived my first day back from vacation.

Today started way too early and made me wish I had slept more while I was in Cabo San Lucas over the long weekend.

It was the longest I had ever been away from Lucas without hearing his voice or seeing his sweet face… four days and three nights and it was agony, even though I did have a lot of fun and was able to relax like I haven’t been able to in a long time and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends and laughing like I was 15 again.

Almost as soon as it began, it was over.

I thought of this view at least a dozen times today.

The dog was up three times last night; 2:00 AM, 2:30 AM and then again for good at 6:00. Lucas, on the other hand, slept in until after 7:00. Go figure!

After that, I was in full throttle…. I spent half an hour on the phone arguing with the Tucson Water Company, another 20 minutes pleading with AT&T to reverse $800+ in international roaming charges I did not incur because my phone was out of commission for the four days I was away, I unpacked, did six loads of laundry, picked up and dropped off dry cleaning, made a visit to the super market with meal plans for the entire week, (what can I say, when I can’t sleep, I make lists) took Lucas to swim lessons and a toy store to buy a birthday present (was I gluten for punishment, or what?), played umpteen rounds of Go Fish and read dozens of books while Lucas sat on the potty and lastly, I made a pile of back to school items my little preschooler needs for his big day tomorrow.

There truly is nothing like coming home or being reunited with your family and routine. I live for all three.

Hugs and kisses, catching up on my weekend and theirs, sharing photos and presenting souvenirs as gifts, shaking sand out of travel bags and wringing out swimsuits and stowing away suitcases, followed by more hugs and kisses.

I couldn’t stay away from these three if I tried.

As a side note, I am very proud of Lucas, he (almost) made it through the entire day today in underwear. My head is of course pounding from hearing myself ask, “Do you have to use the potty?” 900 times and I’m only mad at myself for his one accident.

I’d say I earned uno mas cerveza.

Connection

Posted on March 15, 2012 Written by Tonya

I left my phone in my friend’s car Monday night. The circumstances ~~are still a bit hazy~~ aren’t important. Upon discovering this Tuesday morning and after the twitching subsided, I actually enjoyed being without my phone for two days.

Honestly.

Because I have a laptop. 🙂

Yes, I was fine until the electricity went out for the better part of the afternoon on Wednesday, which also happened to be a rare day Lucas decided to take a nap.

To make matters worse, I decided if I couldn’t be online or watch TV that I would take a shower; shave my legs, deep condition my hair and put on a face mask, only to find our hot water had been shut off too!

No, we are not delinquent bill payers. It turns out there was some “power line” emergency on our street or rather a termite infested tree that had to be chopped down. I still don’t really know, as my husband and I both got different stories from the men in hard hats directing traffic.

At any rate, everything has been restored now and I learned a valuable lesson: while it might be nice (and necessary) to unplug every now and then, I like being connected.

I like commenting on Facebook status updates and posting photos of my kid and seeing yours on Instagram. I enjoy “checking in” places on Four Square and hearing my husband’s voice midday. I’m lost without my electronic calendar and having iTunes at the ready is comforting, as are the text messages my BFF and I share throughout the day. Pinterest is where I get all my good ideas anymore and I am bound and determined to beat Jessica at Scrabble one of these days!

In short, connection is good.

Just in case you wondering.

On Disappearing & A Review Of “The Age Of Adaline”

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The Great Debate [In My Head]

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Mommy Time Well Spent

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